There is a fifth dimension, beyond that which is known to man. It is a dimension as vast as space and as timeless as infinity. It is the middle ground between light and shadow, between science and superstition, and it lies between the pit of man’s fears and the summit of his knowledge. This is the dimension of imagination. It is an area which we call… the Twilight Zone.
— Rod Serling, creator of The Twilight Zone
“Normal” rules don’t apply here. Whatever you think will happen is the least likely outcome. People and places are not what they seem. Mexico is truly part of The Twilight Zone. And indeed, that’s a big part of its charm: sheer unpredictability set to a Mariachi beat, where death has its own special day, and daily life is full of twists, turns, and the least likely thing being what’s going to happen today.
Take gay dating. It’s completely different than in Boston. First of all, it actually happens here, unlike in Boston where it seems to be a near-impossibility, at least if you’re a middle-aged white guy like me. The last time I was single in Boston and made any real effort to date was in the latter half of 2005, when I was a sprightly mid-40-something. Though I was working a full-time job, I had a second full-time job trying to round up dates. I was on Yahoo personals. I trolled Craigslist, I hung out in bars, and I even tried a few other services. No one could fault me for lack of effort. No siree. But it all came to somewhere between naught and very little.
Now, you’ll have to take my word for this since I’m not going to post a photo here, but I’m a decent-looking guy, 6’0” 175#, slim, good skin, few wrinkles and no sags, virtually all of my hair, and you can eat dinner with me without being grossed out by my lack of table manners. I can also more than hold up my end of virtually any conversation, and many folks even think I’m witty. I’m well-read, sympathetic, and I’ll be nice to you even if you’re not nice to me. So I’m not exactly a completely ineligible bachelor. And I had a more-than-decent job, my own house, and a snazzy convertible to take you to the beach in. Oh, but I’m not pretentious either, though I do enjoy a good life. And I’m a fabulous cook, can fix your car, or anything else that might break down around the house.
But all of that counted for shockingly little, and resulted in a handful of dates with guys that had a lot less going for them than I did, to put it politely. Fortunately I met F here in DF in early 2006, and spent the next seven years with him, mostly very happy years. But alas, that ended in August 2013, and I’ve been single since, and mostly OK with that. Though I never really made much effort to date in Boston since then, I did go out with friends to clubs from time to time, and did things where I’d meet new people. (And I made some wonderful friends in the process.)
I also put myself into other places where I might meet another guy (gay pride march, Provincetown in the summer, etc.). But the vibe was overwhelming disinterest. At least from the ones I was interested in. And since I was now ten years older in a town of “younger-for-younger,” “older-for-younger,” “dad-seeks-son,” “no-one-over-40,” etc., I simply gave up on the idea of dating. And various friends of younger vintage (early to mid-40’s) shared similar tales of frustration, confirming my view that this was a Sisyphean task at best, and likely a total waste of time.
But wherever I went in Mexico, I found a much warmer reception from other gay guys. Even the ones who weren’t really “interested” were at least friendly and would chat and maybe even flirt. And plenty were indeed “interested” and would flirt shamelessly or more. And these guys were beyond “ok-looking,” many of them were really quite handsome. Most surprising of all? Most of them are much younger than me, yet virtually all of them seem completely unfazed by the fact that I’m over 50, and on my way to “well over 50.” In fact, it seems to be a positive in their book. Woo hoo! At least I’ve got some choices, right?
So yes, the prospect of finding El Señor “Right” is and remains part of my motivation for coming here. And of course if you haven’t grasped it by now, yes, I have a “thing” for Latino guys. So I could hardly have come to a worse place, right? As I referenced in my post “Oscar Wilde in Mexico City,” I met two eligible bachelors right off the bat, Roberto and Emilio, and suddenly life seemed full of dating promise.
So what happened since? Oh, nothing much really, hahaha. I just got sucked into the Twilight Zone. Buckle up; you’re about to learn more than you ever knew about gay dating in Mexico City, where the rubber meets the road of the unexpected. In subsequent posts I’ll write about a few guys I’ve met, and what happened. But as a kind of spoiler, let’s just say that I don’t yet have a BF (or any particularly obvious prospect), though I’m certainly not lacking for blog material.
By the way, since I have a sort of “mainstream” or at least not mainly gay readership, I’m trying to figure out just how much detail is appropriate for this blog. So if you can answer the poll below, I’d be delighted. By the way, I’m not going to go “full graphic” in any case since my mother reads my blog too.
Saludos y gracias desde la Ciudad de Mexico!
P.S. I have no idea who’s voting for what; your poll results are anonymous.
ladyofthecakes said:
Oh man… I was expecting you to have moved in with MrGiantPha..rma and that’s why we’d not heard anything for so long!
Ready for any kind of story. Just getting the popcorn…
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Kim G said:
Hola Simone! Well, for better or worse, “MrGiantPha…rma” (you naughty girl, haha!) is firmly in the rear-view mirror. Maybe he could be rescued from the past, but he’s going to be the first “study” in this series, so you may come to see why he’ll probably stay in past tense.
I’m eager to read what you’re up to. Saludos & thanks for stopping by!
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ladyofthecakes said:
Talk about a cliff hanger…! Just get to it, will ya?!
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Marc said:
I voted, “Honey, I want to know it all!”
I also want to compare notes. Is it me, or is the whole dating thing taken much more seriously in Mexico? Guys still make it a point to look good on a date, and I have been given the once over by neighbors when I said I was going on one. And there was the guy who really transformed himself to go out with me (Long story on how I wound up in that situation.)
Anyway, enjoy dating. Looking forward to details.
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Kim G said:
Hola Marc, Well, I can’t give away the whole story here in the comments section. But I’d guess that the dating scene depends a lot on where you are. Here in Mexico City, it can be, uh, how do I say it? A bit casual? Imagine dating in New York vs. say, Portland. Standards would differ. Where are you? Saludos and thanks for stopping by!
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Kim G said:
P.S. The above notwithstanding, Mexicans in general tend to dress up more for occasions than Gringos do. So if you’re going on a date, then you’ll be expected to look a bit nicer than usual. Perhaps it’s time to wear that new shirt, or pair of shoes you’ve been saving for a special occasion. And you’ll definitely primp and look your best.
Maybe that’s what you’re referring to?
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Steve Cotton said:
Just as in the American election, I am a non-voter in your poll. Write what you choose. You are the publisher, editor, and entire staff. You can do as you choose. We are simply the meat in the seats.
Having said that, the two of us need to have dinner again. Soon. We have both raised some interesting discussion points in email — none of which have been resolved.
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Kim G said:
Hola Steve! Non-voter, eh? Shirking your non-civic duty. In any case, we’ll see what the poll brings, but in the end it’s likely to only have a small impact on the kinds of details that are reported. As for dinner, the minute you arrive in DF, we can do so. I’d love to catch up. Saludos!
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Colm said:
I’d love to be a fly on the wall at that conversation!
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Kim G said:
Hola Colm! I’d love to have that conversation, but Steve remains on the coast, and my window for going to the “Torrid Zones” has passed until we reach late fall again. (It’s even a little on the warm side here already.) Maybe you can talk him into coming to DF? Saludos and thanks for stopping by.
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Cat M said:
Hey Kim, I voted “Honey, I want to know it all!!!” but out of respect for your mother, I am sure you will do the right thing and keep it more low key.
I have never met you in person but really enjoy your blog and if we ever do meet, then you can ‘tell it all.’ 😉
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Kim G said:
Hola Cat! Your comment made me smile. Let’s just say that there are parts of the story that must be omitted to protect the guilty: me. And thanks for the kind comment; I enjoy your comments. Saludos!
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florentinogutierrezr said:
Hi, Kim…. I’m very glad you’ve started to write again, and can’t wait to read the subsequent posts about your dating adventures, once the poll results are settled. I also think that there’s a difference between men and women when it comes to their interest in the other’s money. I think women seek for stability money, meaning a guy who can provide a home, a steady income, child support, education, etc. for years to come. This is idiosyncrasy, unlike the women in other countries, most (not all) Mexican women are educated since their early years so that their main goal in life is finding a guy that will support them for their entire life. As for guys, especially the younger ones, they will just ask for some bucks to spend on games, a hamburger, a cellphone, shoes, movies, and beers of course. This is plain logic because many of these guys are still studying and don’t have a job, or if they do, the pay will never be sufficient to cover all their needs. Also, there are many other guys who will never ask you for money, no matter how desperately they need it.
It’s interesting what you say about the seemingly non-existing gay dating in Boston. What could be happening? An evolution? The sociologist in me would like to look up for answers. The situation here is more or less like the one you describe in Mexico City, fiesta!
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Kim G said:
Hola Tino! Thanks for your thoughts on men vs women, especially here in Mexico. I was a little hesitant to write what I wrote in reply to Charles’ comment, given how “un-PC” it is, but I do think it’s the truth. To pretend that men and women act exactly the same way in seeking partners is just that: pretending.
As for Boston’s difficult gay dating scene, it has been the topic of MUCH discussion amongst friends there, and we all remain fairly puzzled. I do know one rather STUNNING exception to this rule, my ex-BF, a very cute Vietnamese guy who thinks NOTHING of just walking up to guys on the street and starting to talk to them. I think he gets something of a pass for being a foreigner (fairly strongly accented English), but he’s super-friendly, and more often than not, wins over his target. He’s got the best dating life of anyone I know, but has also struggled in the BF dept.
Still, he should be a lesson to us all: just go for it!!!
As for Monterrey, I’m highly disappointed you didn’t show me the “fiesta” while I was there. Tsk, tsk. haha.
Saludos y gracias por tu comentario!!!
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Charles said:
Write whatever you are comfortable with…if some folks are offended (hard to imagine this day and age) they can simply move on. About the age thing…you will find that many of the younger Mexicans are attracted to older people…I disagree with Felipe on this…in this culture age is revered and respected as opposed to the US…of course there are gold diggers out and about, but that’s true everywhere. Just be wary and observant and listen…they usually give themselves away early on.
Glad you found a place…I like it very much…and of course you would pay at least 3 times that amount for the same thing in Boston! You seem very happy…and that is a good thing!
As you know I am married to someone 40 years younger than myself…the age difference has never been an issue for either of us…in October we will have been together for 6 years…and they have been the happiest and most fulfilling years of my life…so it can and does work if both people have the same goals and vision. In fact Fabian is in Mexico City with friends from college as I write this…it is important to encourage time with their peers…and a lot of inter-generational relationships fail because one or the other does not understand the importance of having friends outside of the relationship.
Buena suerte amigo!
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Kim G said:
Hola Charles! Yes, I’ve disagreed with Felipe before on the age topic. Sure, there are gold diggers out there, and I have at least a story or two about one in particular. But men are different from women, and gay men pursue other men in ways that are similar to how/why straight men pursue women. Or put differently, I think women are more attracted by security and comfort in a relationship whereas men are probably more adventure-seeking. As such, maybe men may be less likely to be as focused on someone’s financial status than women. In any case, I’ve had plenty of young men interested in me where it was quite clear the money was of little or no concern.
As for my place, I’m pretty happy here, but starting to lust after a place of my own, e.g., not rented. As for your wisdom on encouraging your partner to have his own friends and time, I really think that’s true for any couple even if they’re exactly the same age.
Saludos and thanks for stopping by!
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Angeline M said:
Love your writing!
So how did you vote on your poll? That’s what you should go with. Vamos. Pa’ delante con la verdad.
Hasta entonces.
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Kim G said:
Hola Angeline! You are so kind. I worked on this piece, and I’m OK with it, but I miss the true inspiration that came out in pieces like the one about Puebla, New Orleans, or others. As for my own vote, we’ll you’ll have to wait and see what I write, haha, since I do have the ultimate veto. Saludos and thanks for stopping by!
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Felipe Zapata said:
P.S. Having been in your agreeable company on three occasions, I must say your self-description is quite accurate.
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Kim G said:
Hola Felipe! Thank you so much! Igualmente! Saludos.
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Felipe Zapata said:
Once again, about your finding the Mexican romance world so much warmer. It’s all about money, honey. Don’t be naive. They look at you and see $$$$.
I was 55 when I moved to Mexico. I suddenly discovered I was quite alluring to womenfolk of ALL ages, and I mean down to beautiful babes in their early 20s. This would not have ever happened above the border. I knew what was going on. You always seem to think it’s something other than what it really is.
It isn’t.
Not to say you cannot enjoy it, but go into it with your eyes open. There might actually be a keeper in there, but keepers are not 30-40 years younger than you, mi amiguito.
Shop, wisely.
By the way, I voted the second option on the poll.
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Kim G said:
Hola Felipe! Indeed you are right about some of the guys. I’ve already had one experience where it was plain as day that all the guy wanted was money. But there have also been plenty of experiences where it was pretty clear that money was no consideration at all. So it’s a mixed bag. But what you fail to note is this: being white here is considered really attractive, something that’s hard to grasp at an emotional level. But it’s true and it’s part of the equation. Saludos and thanks for your comment!
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Felipe Zapata said:
Being white here is associated with cash. You and Charles can dream on.
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Kim G said:
Hola Felipe! I don’t disagree with that. It’s just that many (not all) of these guys are truly after something else.
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William said:
Even though you have told me via e-mail about your dating adventures, yes, go ahead and spill the beans… at least within the bounds of what you would want your mom to read!
Saludos,
Bill
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Kim G said:
Hola Bill! I’m not sure the version that made it to that email will find it here, but ya never know! Saludos y un abrazo.
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Unconfirmed Bachelorette said:
I am so looking forward to this series. Particularly if my preference wins the poll. All of it, baby!
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Kim G said:
Hola Ella! Haha…you are making me laugh. This has been something of my “writer’s block,” since dating or trying to date has been my main activity. And there certainly have been interesting moments, but the minute I hit “publish” on this, I had an anxiety attack. “Oh, my god! I’ve just committed to putting my dating life on my public blog! Ayyyyyyy!!!!!” But I’ll hopefully find a way to make it amusing without it been too seamy. Saludos and thanks for stopping by!
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Unconfirmed Bachelorette said:
I have faith you’ll find a way. What fun!
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Kim G said:
Well, thank you! I’m keeping my fingers crossed. Certainly the topic is rife with possibilities for humor. Saludos!
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Christine Dubois said:
spoiler alert. we all want to know it all.
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Kim G said:
LOL, Christine! Yeah, well you live in the SF Bay Area and have seen a thing or two in your day. (At least if I’m reading your comments correctly, haha.) But I’ve also had at least one negative comment about my description of DF gay strippers, even though it was truthful. So did you vote in the poll? I’m using that as my guide. Saludos and thanks for stopping by!
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